10 posts tagged “writing”

I joined a group on the nablopomo.com website called Writing Prompts, and they post daily writing prompts, sort of like vox's QotD (or livejournal's). So today's is:

What never fails to make you smile? What was the last thing you smiled at?

I absolutely cannot help but smile when I see a little baby in the grocery store...and I always make faces at them, even if they kinda scowl at me. I think a lot of things like that cause me to smile without even realizing it, like seeing an elderly couple holding hands in the park or at the movies, or seeing a kid stomp around in a puddle. Simple pleasures, I guess. I've also noticed that I get really excited for other people's achievements, even if it's not someone I know. A silly example is when I watch The Biggest Loser and see the weigh-ins from week to week, as they continue to shed pounds and become healthier...I get soooo happy for them! Sometimes I even tear up a little.

Anyway, the last thing I smiled at was probably when I realized I only have half an hour left of work today...which was about five minutes ago. Which means I should get back to finishing up my work!

From November 4th to 22nd, I managed to post at least once per day. Nineteen consecutive days. And yesterday I SO would have posted all about Jessica's incredibly beautiful wedding, but I didn't get to a computer until close to midnight, and even then, I didn't have internet access. Curse you, slighty-burned house, for keeping me away from my wifi. So, I've failed. I mean, I guess I failed from the start, because I didn't know about NaBloPoMo until four days into the start of the challenge. But now I've double-failed.

BUT...little did you know (she says ever-so-sneakily)...that this was just a...

PRACTICE ROUND!!

Oh, I just had such a great memory flashback to my elementary Sunday School group. Every time we'd play games at the beginning of the service, they'd always play the first round with their however-many student volunteers, and when (notice I didn't say if) the kids totally didn't "get" the game at first, or they just did really badly, the pastors would get up there and pat the kids on the back and say, "That's okay...'cuz this was just a........prrrraaaactice rooouuuunnnd!!" And then the kids would cheer and scream and jump up and down, and we'd play another round. And then there were prizes.

I loved the prizes.

So anyway, I really, honestly DID intend to go 30 days and post every single day, even though I didn't start on the 1st. But I also figured it would be a sort of "practice round" to get me geared up for giving it a REAL gung-ho effort in December, so that I could start it out right and maybe win some super great NaBloPoMo prize. Do they even give prizes? I don't know if I really looked into that.

And thus...I am gonna keep posting daily as if I didn't totally fail and skip Day 20. But I'm not gonna keep counting, since I don't know whether I should call today Day 21, or Day 20...and since I really did miss a day. And then, come next Monday, December 1st...it is SO on! The counting will commence again from Day 1, and it will be grand. Get ready for some supreme posting action. I mean, it's December. It's the month of Christmas. AND it's the time when we all start reflecting and reminiscing and gearing up for a new year. I've got a LOT to write about. And you won't wanna miss it.

Or maybe you will. But that ain't gonna stop me from writing.

The last week has been hectic in more ways than one. And writing about a lot of it every day has taken a toll on me that I didn't expect. I'm really exhausted. And the strange thing is, I kinda feel like I'm more at odds with myself. My thoughts. My emotions. I keep writing about it, and if there's anything to be said in history, I should be feeling a smidge more relief...self-awareness...inner...uhm...chi? Or something. I mean, I'm not saying I'm a nervous wreck or anything. But speaking of nervousness...I think that this afternoon I had a moderate anxiety attack. At about 4:15, almost instantaneously, I felt this wave of shakiness flood through me. My hands became clammy, my heart started racing, my face felt flush, and then I thought, Anaphylactic shock! I'm about to die! Aaahhh!!!

Okay, to explain that little freakout of an inner monologue, I got allergy tested today. And while I'm pretty sure a skin test wouldn't result in anaphylaxis, given the mildness of the reactions I had to the stuff I was tested for, it was seriously the first thought I had. Because I am a freak. And I don't think rationally when my body does irrational things. So sue me.

Anyway, I don't really know where I was going with all that deep stuff at the beginning. Basically I'm just a little disappointed in the lack of togetherness as a result of my daily explosions of musings. And if that sentence didn't have enough prepositions for you...well...take comfort in the fact that I had to look up the word preposition to make sure it was the word I was looking for.

I need to go back to school.

Ha. Or just find my old books and re-teach myself.

ANYWAY. I'm officially not allergic to shellfish or seafood, according to the skin test. Which means, after 23 years of avoiding shrimp and all things shelled (well, not ALL things...but you know) on the basis that I might die because my dad is deathly allergic to it (but mostly because it looks and smells icky and I just never really cared to try it), I now no longer have an excuse. And thus...on or before New Year's, when Joe's parents make their famous blackened pepper shrimp, I think I'm gonna have to try it. Ack.

Aaaaand that's all I have in me for tonight. Like I said...

Drained.

First order of business is to give the LAST (hopefully) fire update EVER: it's 100% contained! Yay! As far as our house, they're coming in this week to do a bunch of cleaning and restoration, and we're hoping to be living there again sometime next week. Double yay! Side note...is it weird that I'm a little bummed that I probably won't get to see the burn hole/damage on our wall before it gets fixed up? Sounds like it's going to get a temporary fix today until they can fully restore the wall, so unless they don't do it until after 6 or so, I'm gonna walk in to an already-being-restored house, and I'll never have gotten to see it in its original post-fire state. Maybe Sarah has some pictures, though. *Sigh* Okay...I'm officially CLOSING this discussion forever. NEVER gonna talk about the Tea Fire again. Never. Ha. Yeah right. But hopefully there will be nothing new or crazy to report regarding the fire, and anything related to it will be either funny, encouraging, thoughtful or otherwise not devastating, worrisome or boring. That's the plan.

Second: Ho...lee...cow. I have not had a single second to breathe today! I started this post when I first got to work (since I was early) and now it's 4:15 and I'm forcing myself to take a five minute break. But I totally don't remember what the "Second" was going to be, waaaaay back when I started writing. So...okay then. How about another haiku...or two?

Work takes much focus
Sometimes, I possess little
Please don't tell my boss

I love Christmas-time
Especially gift shopping!
What's on your wish list?

Ack! All day I've been brainstorming about what I could write for today's NaBloPoMo post. I've checked out the Question of the Day suggestions and wasn't too interested in any of them. I started writing at one point about today's big Southern-California-wide earthquake drill (which turned out to be a thousand times lamer than I expected), and that was a major yawn. I feel like Day 10 is a small milestone I've reached, and as such, it should be something at least slightly spectacular.

And yet...I've got nothin'.

So, I wrote the stuff above like, hours ago. And now my work day is almost over, and it's been a pretty lame day in general. And now I just don't feel like trying to be brilliant for this post. I might try again tonight while I'm doing laundry...we'll see.

Until then...go read PW's love story. It's addicting! (Start at the bottom with the link to Chapter 1.)

I read a few interesting articles online about relationships and marriage, and I pulled a couple quotes from them that I wanted to think some more about. This post is purely for my own benefit, so I can kind of collect some thoughts, get them out of my head and onto...well, can I call it e-paper? and start making sense of them. Or something. So here we go. (Forgive me for not saving the links to these articles...oops!)

"Many of the deepest frustrations in your relationship are an opportunity for you to confront yourself."

I think this is an issue I have always struggled with -- finding myself frustrated by something someone else has said or done, and not knowing exactly why it upsets me...or going through the same exact argument or conflict without finding an effective resolution...things like that. And the last thing I ever think to do is ask myself, What might this have to do with ME? What am I doing that's a result of things I haven't worked out yet? Instead, I tend to "make sense" of issues by either generalizing the problem, like, "We're fighting about this because guys just don't communicate the same way as girls do," or by straight-up blaming the other person, although often this only happens in my head. Which might be worse than actually saying, "I think this is your fault." Because instead of letting the person know that I feel it's their fault, I'll ignore the situation/discussion all together, or I'll do that whole generalizing thing and make it seem like less of a serious issue than it is to me.

Then again, there are also times when, rather than really confronting myself, I use myself as a crutch, by taking ALL the blame and saying, "I can't fix or change this thing about me," and then leaving the issue indefinitely unresolved. Obviously, this is no good either. So this opportunity, as the quote above calls it, is something I think I really need to grasp onto and start practicing. When I get frustrated with Joe and I feel like it's a problem we've talked about a hundred times, I need to stop and ask myself, "Is there something that I'M doing consistently every time this conflict arises?"

Side note: I'm not writing this post as a reaction to any specific incident that's happened recently with Joe or anything. Just happened across some articles, thoughts were provoked, my brain's been stimulated, and I'm getting it all out so I can remember this internal discussion and also make room for more. And stay sane.

"A good marriage is a bit like a pet boa constrictor: either you feed it every day or bad things happen."

So, I'm not married yet. But I think this quote is just as valid if you replace the word "marriage" with "relationship." ANY relationship, whether it's a friendship between girls, a family relationship, or a dating or marriage relationship. And I promise I will never use the word "relationship" so many times in one sentence, ever again. Ever. (Man, I wish you could see my face when I'm writing this stuff and reacting to my own silliness.)

Anyway.

The whole boa constrictor analogy kinda weirded me out at first, cuz like, snakes are scary. And I don't want to think of my marriage (or relationship) as scary. But maybe I need to embrace the scary. Er, scariness. Pardon my grammar. Real, lasting relationships are TOTALLY scary. Because you're never going to get to a place where everything is perfect, you communicate flawlessly and never have any issues to deal with and always have a smile on your face. That's just not realistic. I mean, people change every day (ohhhh crap, I just got a Rockapella song in my head), and people react to OTHER people's changes in ways that can never be foreseen or prepared for. So if I decide to commit to someone in a relationship (and a thousandfold if/when I commit to marriage), I need to know that it will ALWAYS take work. And there will always be conflicts and issues and disagreements and discussions and maybe even all-out, gloves-off FIGHTS. But even if I'm blessed to be in a relationship where things are more often than not GOOD, relatively easy, and we're understanding each other pretty well, I can't let myself forget to keep feeding the relationship...ya know? I need to verbalize my love for Joe every day, even though I know he knows that I love him. I need to show him my love in the ways that are meaningful to him, like with back rubs and spending time with him. (And he needs to do all that, as well -- show me love in the ways I best receive it.) And when one or both of us neglects to "feed" the relationship for any length of time, I totally know that feeling of being gypped, and the pain of being deprived of the essential nutrients I need. (This eating analogy is making me really hungry.)

So...well, shoot. Now I've got a ton MORE stuff bouncing around in my head that I wish I had time to write about and start processing. So much for that idea, huh? Maybe my boa-constrictor-esque needs right now are not brain-related but STOMACH-related. Yes...it's definitely lunch time.

So for today's NaBloPoMo post, I asked my good friend Megan for some ideas on what I could write about. She first suggested a couple of topics relating to Joe and love and happy-gooey-sappy-schmooey stuff like that. But I figured you might still be recovering from the behemoth post about how we met, so I'll save the sap for another day. (I DO love Joe and feel all happy-gooey-sappy-schmooey with him. Just for the record.) Megan's next suggestion was to post something about cooking -- either recipes I've tried or ones I want to try. We concluded that I'd post about some of the crock pot recipes I've been saving to try someday when I have the grocery money, time, and am actually at my house long enough to do it.

However...as much as I DO want to try some crock pot recipes (most of them are from the Year of Crockpotting Blog), I feel I must pay tribute to the most addicting website I've ever found in my life, which also happens to be a source of some really great-sounding recipes. (I say "great-sounding" because I still haven't actually tried any of them yet. But I will. And I'm confident that I will love them...assuming I do it right.) So her name is The Pioneer Woman. Well, actually, her name is Ree, but her name in the blog-world is PW (or P-dub), and she is like, Super-Woman times a thousand. She does EVERYTHING! She cooks, she does photography, she does home & garden stuff, she homeschools her four kids (or "punks" as she calls them), she helps her husband on their cattle ranch in the middle of nowheresville (aka somewhere in the midwest), AND...she BLOGS ABOUT ALL OF IT! And she's a GOOD writer! And FUNNY. And pretty much my hero. My favorite person-I've-never-met-and-probably-never-will. My soul sister. No seriously...I can't even tell you how glad I am that I found her website.

Okay, enough of my obsessive raves about a total stranger. Let's get on to the absolute greatest part of her website, in my opinion, which is her cooking page. (Here's her complete Recipe Archive.) The two things I really love about her recipes are: She posts them like a blog or journal entry, and by that I mean, she has a voice, even when she's just telling you how to make something. She tells little stories, makes fun of herself for using way too much butter (no, seriously, she uses a CRAPLOAD of butter), refers to other posts she's made on all the different areas of her site...and she doesn't make the reader feel like a big loser who can't cook, has never really TRIED much cooking, and who sees amazing stuff like she makes and thinks, Holy cow. This woman is magical. I think she knows she's amazing, but she doesn't ever let on, which I like. Secondly, she puts pictures into each recipe post...EVERY SINGLE STEP OF THE WAY. And thensome. No joke, she even has pictures for the "bring a pot of water to boil" step. I love it. P-dub is my soul sister because she knew, long before I ever discovered the wonder that is her website, that one day some pitiful girl with no cooking skills and very little confidence in her ability to LEARN said skills, would stumble across her page and thank the Lord Almighty for step-by-step photo illustrations of a million delicious recipes that she never would have had the first CLUE how to begin tackling without such detailed assistance. I mean, I can find a recipe that says, "Chop an onion," but Pioneer Woman shows me what that's actually supposed to LOOK like. YEAH!!

Hmm. I guess my obsessive raves didn't really stop up there, did they? Oops. P-dub, I love you. I really do. And I'm not crazy or a stalker or anything. Please don't be afraid of me.

Phew. Okay, I'm calm. I'm normal. I'm not going to explode with excitement about PW again. Let's move on to some of the recipes I'd like to try from PW's site:

Bread Pudding

Egg in a Hole

Mystery Rolls

PW's Favorite Sandwich

And a bunch more. But I got distracted in the middle of writing this when I stumbled across some other person's blog who was totally ripping PW a new one for being fake, snobby, rich, and a bunch of other mean stuff.

For what it's worth, some of the arguments I read on this particular page seem valid. Others are childish jabs with no backing. I'm all discombobulated now, realizing that PW isn't 100% loved by every person who reads her page, and realizing that's totally fair. But the only thing I'd like to say is, OF COURSE the life you read on her page isn't exactly the way her life is. When you have like 45,000 people reading your page every day, I'd imagine you would feel pressure to make sure it's good, entertaining stuff. So she shares the best of it, rather than the fights, the problems, etc. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

It DOES kind of put into perspective my little rave about how much I wish I could have PW's life. Cuz really, if I think about it long and hard (or even just for a few minutes after delving into some ugly reviews), I definitely do NOT want it. I will continue to read her stuff, enjoy her stories and pictures and recipes, and I will probably continue to dream about getting even a HUNDRED hits in one day on my own blog... But I like my life. And I like having the freedom to blog about whatever I darn well please, not worrying about fitting into some category or genre or style, or making my life sound like flowers and butterflies if I happen to be having a big fat downer of a day. AND I really, really like that there are no articles on the internet about my family's or my history of speeding tickets or anything like that. Not that it's some big scandal or anything...it really isn't.

Theeeeee...END! Time to get back to work.

Okay, so for today's post I'm using this tool called "Write or Die." My brother sent me the link, and it's supposed to be some kind of motivational device for writers who are having trouble with writer's block, or deadlines, or other such things that keep them from writing. You enter a word goal and/or time goal, and then you are given a text box to type in. If you stop typing for a certain length of time, there are little hints that get you to keep going, like the screen turning red, babies crying, etc. There's also "kamikaze" mode, where the words you've typed will begin to disappear if you don't keep entering new stuff. Scary! (I'm just in the normal mode for now.) Anyway, I only have about ten minutes to post right now, so my word goal is 500. I dunno how realistic that is, but we'll see. I AM a fast typist, after all.

This morning I had a really difficult time getting out of bed. It just felt like I hadn't slept much at all, and it was COLD outside my covers, too. But I did it. And I made it to work five minutes early. And the day is going by sooooo sloooowwwlyyyy...

But in other news...

Oh gosh. I stopped typing for a moment to answer an IM from Joe, and the screen turned red and then I heard "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" start up. THAT'S definitely motivation to get back to my writing. :-P

I don't think I'm going to make 500 words in time. I am at 262 (and counting) and only have 3:50 left. Eek!

So, as I was saying. In other news, I am thoroughly enjoying writing every day. And I thoroughly missed getting to do more substantial posts over the weekend, so tonight I will probably/hopefully write some more. Writing just helps me so much with getting thoughts put into words that I can then start to make sense out of. Or sometimes it's helpful just in clearing a little bit of space in my brain for MORE thoughts. But I have learned (more than once) that NOT writing for extended periods seems to cause me to become quite disconnected with myself. It's like I become a stranger in my own mind, if that makes sense.

Does that make sense?

Okay, this whole write or die thing is kind of stressing me out. I have less than 100 words to go in one minute. Can I do it? I think I'm probably too distracted by the quota to be met, and therefore my writing is kind of pointless and silly. I definitely don't think I'm going to make it. Ack! What else can I say in 20 seconds? I love Joe, I love my job, I love my family, I love haiku, I love blogging...

BAH!!! Time's up and I was 30 words short. Crap.

Well, that was a fun exercise I might try again if I have longer to write. Ten minutes was just too hectic.

What is it about Cheez-its that is so deliciously addicting? I mean...CHEESE is the TENTH ingredient. There is more vegetable oil in Cheez-its than there is actual cheese. And, this tiny little package I got out of the vending machine at work contains 220 calories, 11 grams of fat, 25 carbs, and less than 1 gram of fiber. Pathetic. Unhealthy. Despicable. And yet so, so, sooooo pleasing to my tastebuds. (Much more pleasing than Diaper Ointment m&m's...)

Just thought I'd throw that little thought out there to start today's routine NaBloPoMo post. Now on to the real, deep, thought-provoking stuff.

Can you detect my sarcasm yet? You'll get better at it as you keep coming back to read every day...assuming you decide to do so. Basically if you're mildly offended or confused or put off or surprised by something I've just said, chances are I'm being totally sarcastic. Or totally insensitive or incoherent. Those are always possibilities, too.

Last night I watched parts six and seven of the mini-series Band of Brothers with Joe and his neighbors Jeff and Leah (who happen to live in the apartment I was trying to get into when I first moved up to Santa Barbara). We've been watching it together (the four of us) from the beginning, usually just one part at a time whenever we can all be there together to watch it. I am really impressed by every aspect of this series. The writing, the acting, the cinematography...everything is very artfully executed, and the story is so intense that you start to feel unusually close to a bunch of guys who fought a war decades ago and most of whom aren't even alive anymore. The coolest thing is remembering, at every crazy twist and turn of the storyline, that it all actually happened. The whole series is based on a novel which is the retelling of the TRUE story of Easy Company. I can't wait to read the novel...but it won't happen until we finish watching the series, and then probably after I finish a couple books I'm in the middle of already. So anyway, Band of Brothers is excellent.

It's also very disturbing at times. Last night we watched two parts because Joe, who is the only one of the four of us who has seen all of these before, knew that part six was a major downer, and we'd need seven to bring us out of a sense of total despair and hopelessness. Part six was told from the medics' perspective, complete with lots and lots of very realistic blood-and-guts action. Death. Dismemberment. Depression. It's hard stuff to take in...and it only gets harder when you think, Holy cow. This is real. That guy ACTUALLY got shot in the rear. And that one seriously had his leg severed by a flying piece of tree. Yeah...I don't ever want to fight a war. And I definitely don't want to be a nurse. And if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I kind of wish that everyone I know and love would stay as far away from situations that would put them so directly in harm's (or more specifically, death's) way. Ever. So maybe I'm a pacifist. I don't really know if this has anything to do with my personal stance on war as it pertains to our country, or my morals or beliefs, or whatever. I'm just saying that in my heart, I don't want anyone to suffer such horrific experiences. And again, being perfectly honest at the risk of revealing my selfishness, it's largely about the feeling I would get if I had to bear the news of a loved one being killed in combat. I'm too weak for that. And I know this because the only times I've had anyone close to me die, it took me a LONG time to really deal with it.

Whoa...totally did NOT see all that coming when I sat down to write this one. In fact, the plan upon mentioning last night's movie-watching event was actually to segue immediately into the brief conversation we had about birthdays and anniversaries. I mentioned I was going home for Mom's 50th this weekend, and Jeff said his mom just had a birthday last week. Then someone said they knew a lot of people with November birthdays, and we all did the math (November babies = Valentine's Day action). It was funny. And THEN someone said something about an anniversary being on January 6th, and I said, "That's my brother's anniversary! And it's also the day that the girl gets married in Father of the Bride."

And that was going to be the end of THAT random thought in today's post.

Wow. I do believe I have just found further evidence of my inability to ever even consider writing a novel. I can't stick to one train of thought for thirty-seven seconds. Much less for thirty-seven chapters. Or even pages.

If I had my way
Cheez-its would be healthier
Calories are lame

My bedroom is an absolute disaster. I'm not even exaggerating. I don't know how it happens, either. I mean I only spend like half an hour in my room AWAKE every day, if that. Yet somehow, no matter how often I clean it right back up again, it keeps turning into a scene from my mom's worst nightmare (that is to say, my mom always dreaded I would grow up and never learn how to keep a clean room).

Part of the problem may be that, when I notice how messy it's gotten, rather than stop and DO something about it, I think, Geez, this is awful! I should probably clean it up... OR I could use it to inspire me to do some journaling, get my fingers a little keyboard exercise. Yes...yes, I think that might be part of the problem. But only part.

Anyway, in addition to discovering nablopomo.com the other day, I also came across a website called mapmyrun.com. It's incredible. Okay, maybe incredible is a little extreme, but listen. It's really cool! You can search for routes that other people have mapped out, or you can create your own. It will track the distance of the whole route, and add mile markers, water stops, and any number of other markers and notes you want to put in there. It even tells you the elevation during your route, and what the total incline is from the lowest point in the route to the highest. AND once you've saved a route, you can then input your time, age, weight, etc., to see how many calories you burned and other great stuff like that. Basically I think it's incredible. But I already said that.

So this weekend I'm going home (that is to say, the home where I grew up, where the rest of my immediate family still resides, and where my mom's 50th birthday party will be held on Saturday). And I've already mapped out a three-mile run in my neighborhood and hoping/planning to tackle it on Saturday morning. It will be my first time running more than 2 1/2 miles at one time (outside, that is; I've done it millions of times on the elliptical machine), and my first time running on purpose in the desert since PE class in high school. Maybe even middle school. But it's November, so I'm hoping it won't be too hot. And I'm certain it won't be too cold. And I don't think I'll get lost...but I wouldn't put it past me.

Wow...I just thought about the prospective readers here, now that I'm finally getting a little publicity on this blog through NaBloPoMo (and maybe BlogHer.com), and you all must think I'm ridiculous. Especially since I forgot to preface my post with my usual disclaimer, which is this: I am the queen of the tangent. The tangent is my best friend and my worst enemy. I have conceded to the fact that I will never escape the tangent. And I have embraced this fact.

And speaking of haikus, I have a new friend on my nablopomo page who is taking the challenge and writing a haiku every day. This brought to mind the fact that I haven't written a haiku since the one I composed for Dr. Cathey, my UCO director at APU, for his birthday a couple years ago. And that fact is simply tragic. Thus, I will conclude tonight's post with a brand new, Tabitha original haiku. I make no promises about its creative quality or relevance to anything within this post (or without it). Thank you.