7 posts tagged “family”

Over the last week or so, I think both Joe and I have come to recognize a sort of trend that occurs when I get together with my family: I get weird. No, seriously...I just turn into a big goofball (when it's a relaxed, fun environment, that is...not so much when it's strained or tense, of course). Spending Christmas Eve with my family, Joe's patience with my silly, totally un-sophisticated side was definitely tested. Fortunately, he's pretty weird too, and I think he might've previously thought that he was a LOT weirder than me...until this last week in seeing me interact with family. I guess this particular week has been a real treat for me, getting a nice chunk of days off of work and being all proper and cool, and just being able to loosen up and use up some energy and weirdness I had apparently been hanging onto for awhile. I mean, nothing extreme really...I was just a bit kookier around my family that day. And then again, tonight, we got to hang out with my cousin Sarah and her husband, and the goof in me came out all over again. Sarah and I have always been that way. We have our ongoing, totally ridiculous anecdotes and inside jokes that don't make much sense or just don't seem that funny to anyone else, but we still crack up at the thought of them. Do you have any friends or family like that? I just love it. I love being around people who make it easy to be "me" around them, whether "me" in that moment is a goofball, a hopeless romantic, a person with a specific passion or hobby, or whatever. I mean, I'm generally pretty comfortable with myself, and have in recent years learned (slowly but surely) that I can be confident in who I am, in most any situation, and not try to alter or change myself into something not quite genuinely "me." But as I'm becoming a part of a new family with much different personalities, tastes, upbringings, etc., I do find myself, on occasion, feeling a little out of place, or unlearned, or simply nervous and a tad uncomfortable in a new and less familiar environment. Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely loving spending time with Joe's family, getting to know them, and I do feel very welcomed and at home around them. But there is also something to be said about spending time around my own family, my blood, that is soothing...freeing...invigorating. I am just all-around blessed with great people in my life, both related and maybe-someday-soon-to-be related. :-) I think the greatest discovery I've made recently is that with Joe, I feel very nearly just as comfortable and at ease as I do with my flesh-and-blood family. I can be that weird, goofy girl that my family knows so well, around Joe, and he still loves me. He gets me. It's awesome. And somewhat terrifying. Terrifying, because I know that being completely comfortable with people, to the extent that I am with my family, means I am also capable of being quite insensitive and thoughtless toward them as well. It's a sad confession, but an honest one. I can go from being at my very best to my absolute worst, in a matter of an hour or even a minute when I'm around my loved ones. I guess it's because "home" is the place where you get to unwind, to destress from the busy, hustle-and-bustle, people-pleasing daily life that goes on outside, and it's also where you're able to (if you're lucky) be 100% yourself -- for better or for worse -- because you know you will always be loved and accepted by these people. So, I have never really feared losing my family's love if I should ever be in a snappy mood some day, or make a rude comment in passing, or anything like that. They know me, and they understand my many moods...but it's all too easy to take that unconditional love for granted and just get downright  mean sometimes. I can't tell you how awful I still feel when I think back on times when I told my mom that I hated her, or yelled at my little sister or brother just because I was upset about something that had nothing to do with them at all. Anyway, all this to say, I worry from time to time that my being so comfortable with Joe will lead to one of these insensitive comments, or displaced anger, or just a foul mood turning into an unnecessary fight. So yes...a little terrifying. But hey, how great is God's timing? We're about to start a class all about learning to deal with this kind of stuff together, and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm scared as heck, just because of my semi-former (meaning, I'm still working on it) tendency to run at the first sign of significant conflict or the first roadblock that seems, at first glance, insurmountable. And I honestly don't doubt that we will encounter at least one issue like this during these classes, because I think that's kind of the whole point. They want to open up discussion about things that we might never have thought about without the guidance of older married couples who have been through it all, and they want to help us address it now, so that we can potentially start a marriage together with a much stronger foundation and a better understanding of each other. Yay! And also...eek! If you feel like it, pray for us these next 12 weeks! (Thanks!) It's going to be interesting. And wonderful. And painful, stressful, emotional, exciting, exhausting...you get the idea. It'll be intense.

Ahhhhh...that felt good. And there you have it. A REAL stinkin' update of sorts. And it's 30 down, ONE TO GO for this December post-a-day challenge. I knew I could do it. (Not really...I actually honestly thought I'd fail within the first two weeks. So, go me!)

So, one of Joe's Christmas presents to me was the board game Ticket to Ride (Europe edition), which I absolutely loooooooove. Josh and Serena stopped by on their way up north for their vacation, and the four of us broke it in a little (Joe won). Then tonight, when Joe and I got BACK to his parents' (after a brief time back in SB to sing in church today), we played Ticket to Ride again with Joe's parents! And Joe's dad totally swindled us...he was all doped up on pain meds and said he'd probably duck out of the game before we even finished, so he and Joe's mom teamed up...and kicked our butts! We'll call it beginners' luck this time...but revenge is mine!

Anyway, it's been a good day. It was really fun to sing in the worship team at church, and I felt like we really "gelled" well together. Kind of a bummer, since we're not gonna be able to do it again for several months (see prior entry about our every-weekend-for-three-months plans starting next weekend). But, that aside, I am really looking forward to these next 12 weeks. I'll admit I'm a little nervous about it...starting to really delve deep into all the potential issues that arise when you decide to marry someone. It's going to be pretty heavy stuff, I reckon, and, as Joe's mom's friend B put it, "[We]'ll never fight so much." That is to say, these pre-married sessions are going to require a lot of openness, honesty, and willingness to get all our dirt dug up and dealt with. The great news is that, Lord willing, we can dig up and deal with all that crap before we say "I do" and then start off our marriage a lot more healthy and happy than we would be if we went into it blindly or naively. Woot!

There. That's a bit better (read: more substantial) of an update than the last few...granted, still a little short. But gimme a break, it's supposed to be my vacation!

Oh, I'm sooooo close! I'm gonna make it. Three more days of NaBloPoMo!!!

What do you see yourself doing on this day next year?
Submitted by Beautifully Broken. 

Hmm...well, December 4th is a Friday next year. So, if I'm still living and working in Santa Barbara, I'll probably be working, since it's not my off-Friday (did you know I get every other Friday off? It's AWESOME). And then maybe I'll start wrapping Christmas presents, assuming I plan ahead and get all my gifts on Black Friday.

It's also the anniversary of my grandmother's passing (and also her birthday), so I will probably call my daddy and let him know I love him and I'm thinking of him that day. (Note to self: don't forget to do that today!) I was thinking about her this morning, actually, and remembering what I was doing on December 4th, 1997. I was in 6th grade, I think, and I went shopping with my friend Jenny. My grandmother was living with us at the time, as she was suffering from terminal lung cancer and wanted to spend her last days with my dad. I remember coming home after shopping that day (which was her 83rd birthday), probably around 8 p.m. or so, and seeing a gurney (is that what it's called?) being wheeled out my front door. My grandmother had passed away while I was gone, and I felt awful. Anyway, the thing I remember most was that my little sister, who would turn six two days later, said very sweetly and matter-of-factly, "Grandmother went to heaven and now she has a new face!" (My grandmother had a very "droopy" face in her final years, and one of her eyes was especially droopy and watered a lot; I remember she always had a tissue to dry her eye.)

So anyway...I can't believe that was eleven years ago. She would be 94 today.

Well, so much for posting about this day NEXT year...oops. Anyway, I'll try to write a "regular" post later today. Just felt like doing a quick QotD to spice things up a bit.

Amazingly, we managed to get up and out the door this morning by 2:15. We headed down to Costa Mesa to do our first Black Friday shopping day together with Joe's brother John and John's girlfriend Kelly. We hit JCPenney's regular store and their home store, and Home Depot, all before the sun came up. Then we conquered the mall...well, Kelly and I conquered a few stores in the mall while Joe and John waited ever so patiently for us to get our girly fix. We hit Express, Victoria's Secret, Bath & Body Works, and The Limited...and maybe one or two others. It's kind of a blur. But let's just say that next year, if we decide to do the whole Black Friday thing, we're gonna have a better plan. Like, think ahead about what we want to buy. Because I definitely spent more money than I'd planned. BUT...I got a lot of great stuff for REALLY great prices, and now I feel like I have about half my Christmas shopping done, which is a relief. Plus I got a few new clothing items that are winter-wearable AND nice enough for work. And really cute. So...all in all, it was a successful day. Oh, and we also went to Target and Michaels. ALLLLLL before 11 a.m. Crazy, right? It was really fun. And then we had lunch, hung out for a bit, and Joe and I headed back to his parents' place with all intentions of crashing for the rest of the day. I did take a little nap (in the car on the way home, and then on the couch), but I still feel like I'm running on like, three hours of sleep. Needless to say, I'm hitting the sack early tonight. And totally NOT setting my alarm in the morning.

And then tomorrow...Pride and Prejudice! FINALLY. Maybe. Joe's mom and I have been trying to plan time to watch it since the day we met, and tomorrow seems as good a time as any. I hope I like it...but we'll see. I've heard a LOT of good and bad remarks on it -- the book and both movie versions.

Anyway, I'm sitting on the couch with Joe and his parents and we're watching The Incredibles, so I'm gonna cut this one short and join the fun.

Happy day after Thanksgiving!

I can't believe there are only 35 days left of 2008.

Know what else I can't believe? ...I can't believe my house got evacuated...AGAIN. This time, it's a flash flood warning. I guess the fires not only wiped out 200 houses, but they also ruined the soil or something so that the rain doesn't have anything to soak into? Or something? Joe and I were at my house last night checking out the repairs and getting a couple things (one of which was supposed to be the mail...but I forgot), and this guy came walking down the street and asked us if we'd heard about the evacuation notice. I said, "You mean two weeks ago?" And he said, "Nope. Tonight. Flood warning." So...yeah. I wasn't planning on staying there last night anyway, but now I may come home at the end of this weekend to a floating house. In a post I made a couple weeks back (possibly a private or friends-only one), I said something about, "When it rains, it pours..." And I morphed it into, "When a fire threatens your home and your safety, everything else starts to feel threatened too." Well, now I'm thinking it's more like, "When a fire threatens your home and safety...watch out for the rain." Heh. Anyway, I'm not really too worried about my house flooding, because I live up a pretty steep hill...but like I said in an even earlier post, I'm not immune.

Oh, and let's talk about my room right now. Apparently when I was told that all my clothes and bedding would be taken out of my room to be professionally cleaned because of all the smoke smell, I misunderstood. I thought they would just take my clothes. And my bedding. Instead, they pretty much packed up everything I own, took it away to some place where they work their cleaning magic, and brought it all back in massive boxes and stuck them in the middle of my room. It's like I'm moving all over again. Only I don't have a clue where to find anything. And I'm really not excited about spending endless hours putting it all BACK where it used to go. But I AM thankful for clean stuff, and I guess it's good that they were so thorough, especially with my allergies and asthma. I'm just saying...it would've been nice to know they were gonna do that, because I might have taken a few things out of the house that I didn't want messed with. Oh well...such is life.

Moving on to other unrelated topics...my parents are heading up my direction today to spend Thanksgiving with my extended family at my grandparents'. Joe and I will be heading down in the opposite direction to spend it with his parents. I'm excited. And I'm sure I'll post about how the dinner went later this weekend, because I think I'm gonna meet Joe's grandma for the first time (who is apparently quite a character), and there'll be a bunch of other people (non-family) at the dinner tomorrow night who Joe and/or his parents are excited for me to meet.

And for another incredibly smooth segue...I am an ice cube right now. I feel like my office is a freezer. I'm wearing two sweaters (AND an undershirt), socks, jeans, shoes, and I have ANOTHER sweater over my legs. And I'm really cold. It could be because I'm also sick. And maybe a little bit because it's rainy and freezing outside.

I feel like this post is really scattered and kind of complainy. Which is not good (the latter, anyway) for the day before Thanksgiving. I guess sometimes I forget how easy it is to write about things that are lame or frustrating...or how I come across like I'm mad or cynical even though I'm really quite happy. I AM really quite happy, in fact. And I'm really looking forward to this weekend, and I'm glad to have a clean house, a repaired wall, clean stuff and even a fresh start on reorganizing my room. I'm thankful for the rain, and for family, and for Joe, and for Joe's family. I'm glad I get to work in a nice office (even if it IS really, really cold in here) with a bunch of great people. And I'm glad I only have a cold, rather than, like...cancer or something.

K...that's all for now. Happy Turkey Day Eve!

Today my mom turned 50. Joe and I drove down to the desert yesterday afternoon, and tonight we threw Mom a '50s-themed party, which was a huge hit! It was great to see my mom enjoying herself, celebrating life with friends she's known anywhere from a couple years to close to twenty. Just about everyone dressed up in '50s outfits, ranging from the tough greaser look to major nerds, conservative librarians (Mom in her pencil skirt) to diner waitresses...it was really fun!

Anyway, I'm barely making it on this post tonight, since it's 11:30 p.m. And unfortunately, I'm skimping on both length and creativity, because I'm distracted by a bout of allergies that came on toward the end of the party. Let's just say that by dose is really stuffed up, ad' also really ruddy. Ad' I keep sdeezi'g.

So...that's it for tonight. Tomorrow I'll try to be funnier. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! You're the greatest. :-)

There is a strange trend that has occurred in every one of my past relationships, and it is FINALLY about to be broken (knock on wood). Wanna know what it is?

I have NEVER had a boyfriend during any holiday or either of our birthdays. Furthermore, on more than one occasion, I have broken up with a boyfriend on a day that is notably close to some upcoming holiday or birthday. When I dated Peter, the gargantuan 6'8" ex-football player (affectionately called The Refrigerator by a few of my college friends), we broke up just a couple weeks before his birthday, which was also close to Halloween and Thanksgiving. Last year I broke up with Curt on October 30 (a year ago tomorrow). Oh, and Curt and I started dating right AFTER his birthday. So there are a few examples. Also note that I seem to have a knack for breaking up with guys around the exact same TIME of year, too.

...Don't worry. I'm not saying it's about to happen again...knock on wood. (Joe, if you're reading this, I love you. Don't freak out!)

So the other day I was thinking about this odd fact, and about how exciting it is that, barring some freak incident like Joe trying to kill me, I am going to have a boyfriend ON an actual holiday. And, as a matter of fact, ALSO on his birthday. (Joe's a Halloween baby!) Then I started thinking, Crap! I don't know how this whole boyfriend/holiday thing works! How do we plan Thanksgiving and Christmas around TWO separate families, both of which we both WANT to see on those special days? And what does a girlfriend get for her boyfriend on his first birthday as her boyfriend? (say that five times fast...) OR for Christmas!? Let's just say I'm a little clueless. And also a little broke. But that's a whole different topic for another day.

Anyway, mostly I'm excited. I mean, in and of itself, having a boyfriend during a holiday or birthday is not really some huge accomplishment or even that notable a thing to write a blog about. But I guess the thing that I'm getting at here, is that I'm finally starting to understand how to be in a relationship. A real, long-term, good-bad-and-ugly, madly-in-love relationship. A relationship I hope I get to be in for the rest of my life.

Umm, hello? DID YOU JUST HEAR ME? The rest of my life.

Like, until I'm old and wrinkly and wearing Depends and cleaning my dentures and taking incessant photographs of all my grandkids in their jammies playing with their new presents on Christmas morning in my old-lady-smelling living room and singing songs in church in my shaky, off-key old-lady voice while holding hands with my old and wrinkly husband and getting a good morning kiss that still takes the breath out of me and makes me all silly and dizzy. That's what I'm excited about right now.

And dear, sweet Jesus, I hope I don't screw it up anytime before then. Cuz I kinda really (in case you couldn't tell) want to keep Joe around for awhile. I mean heck, he's strong enough to open the pickle jar. That's essential. Plus he looks great in a kilt. Not essential, but definitely a bonus.

You know? Now that I think about it...I'm really glad that Joe will be the first boyfriend I get to experience birthdays and holidays with. Because it means I don't have any stupid baggage from past boyfriend/holiday incidents, and I don't have any expectations for how it's all going to happen. I can just plunge right into this new adventure with him and enjoy all the twists and turns and anxious gift-shopping and embarrassing family moments and learning new traditions and customs and...well, it goes without saying, but holidays with TWO families means DOUBLE the delicious meals, fun activities and PRESENTS! I love presents. Er...I mean, I love being in the presence of family! And now I get to be with my own AND with Joe's. THAT is a great present in itself. (Phew! Almost gave away my secret, evil ulterior motive for getting double the presents...) :-P

Aaaaaand...I think that's a wrap. No pun intended. Mostly because I haven't bought any presents to wrap, yet.

I am SO not as funny as I think I am. Gotta work on that...